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Get in Touch
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Getting in touch with your roommate for a cup of coffee or lunch
will help reduce a ton of nervousness and tension. During
this bonding moment, you can make some arrangements for decorating
(i.e. who brings what) and preferences.
You can learn a lot from your roommate in just a single meeting,
and when the time comes to move in with each other, you already
have some sort of history.
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First Impressions
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If you are not able to meet your roommate until the first day of
College, try and be a little easy on establishing first
impressions. Generally, your roommate will be stressed when
surrounded by parents and siblings, dragging their bags, an moving
into a strange room with a strange person. Hold off on
labeling the person until you can sit down and get to know him/her
personally.
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Opening Up
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Since you are going to spend at least a year with your new
roommate, share your likes and dislikes, pet peeves, hobbies, and
other areas which you think could be useful in a better
friendship.
During this time, it is probably a good idea to let your roommate
know what irritates you, and the way you do things. Be
flexible, and be ready to compromise. Otherwise, you will
adding more stress to an already stressful situation.
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Be Yourself
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When you get to know each other, don't lie. Pretending to be
someone you are not will get you in a whole lot of trouble as
sooner or later, you will get caught in lie. Each of us has
some interesting stories to tell and events in our life that has
helped shape us.
You will find that more people will like you if you are acting
real than being uncomfortable from attempting to be someone else.
Major Tip: Do not try to change your roommate, just let them
be them self. There is more often than not, a great
friendship formed under adversity of character as opposed to
twins. Respect their individuality as you remain yourself.
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Give it some Time
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Just as milk doesn't mold in a day, so too, becoming best friends
instantly is highly unlikely. Although you share a room and
meals together, it will take some opening up on both of your parts
to
develop a lasting friendship. Doing things together will
help to build that bond and will give you more reasons to talk it
over when times get tough.
Whatever you do, don't rush the 'friendship thing' by trying to be
someone you are not, or forcing your roommate to fit your
mold. Just
be yourself
.
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Study Hours
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Establishing rules right off the bat instead of two months down
the road will be a whole lot easier and less stressful. Your
study habits will probably not be the exact same as your
roommates. Whatever you do, don't lie about your preferences
just to be easy.
If your roommate must listen to hard rock and 5,000 decibels in
order to study, and you are more a classical boy,
compromise. Set up study hours, where you will be out of the
room, or offer your CD-player. Study hours are also a factor
when this can and will effect sleep.
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Sleeping Schedule
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Don't even go there! When it comes to sleep, you will
quickly learn how precious it can be to another individual.
Setting up a sleeping schedule will be your greatest asset
throughout the year. When it's, let's say 10pm, you should:
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Turn off the overhead light
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Get rid of the friends
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Turn of your music
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Keep noise to a minimum
Try to be aware and thoughtful of your roommate. He/She will
greatly appreciate your respect, and will return it with more
respect in turn. If you start to be inconsiderate, the
situation will greatly deteriorate. Try to be aware when
your roommate is tired and keep their interest at heart.
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Chores
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If you are living in a dorm room, then the list of chores will be
brief: vacuuming, washing windows, doing the dishes, etc.
Set the chores up at the beginning so the balance is not
overloaded onto one individual and tension mounts up.
if you are used to having a room cleaned daily by your mother, or
yourself, be prepared if your roommate doesn't share the same
cleanliness. Unmade beds, towels left on the floor, piles of
dirty clothes, you will quickly be able to add to this list.
Learn to handle this situation tactfully by approaching your
roommate and discussing this civilized before you blow up.
Try to be considerate and thoughtful, even if he/she is not.
Leading by example is very effective and often
convicting.
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Property Rights
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Sharing a room with a complete stranger, or even a friend, will
put you in an unfamiliar situation. Trust is a valuable
commodity that builds up over time. If you choose to abuse
your roommates privacy, you will find it difficult to rebuild
their trust.
Most people don't mind sharing the basic necessities such as a
piece of paper or pencil, but when it comes to a wallet or
deodorant, property rights should be established. The
Premier Rule in Borrowing:
If you broke it, replace it!... no excuses.
Even if you become more familiar with your roommate, you should
never overlook asking before borrowing, even if you know the
answer is "yes." If your roommate seems to be a
little uncomfortable about lending certain things, or even says
"no", respect their wish and back off.
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Paying Bills
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Make the rules early. Since one person has agreed to have
the phone bill or electricity bill put under their name, rules
should be made concerning:
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Payment time: before or after you send your payment.
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Payment method: get cash!
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Sharing the costs.
A typical phone bill will include basic charges which should be
split right down the middle. Additional charges should be
tallied.
When it comes to electricity bills, despite who uses what and for
how long, you should never get cheap and try to skip out on paying
your fair share. Split the bill down the middle no matter
what. If you make the rules at the beginning, you will be
able to pay your bills on time without any hassle.
To save money, pay bills on time.
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Guests
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Inviting friends over to your room can add some character and
memories to the joint. Overnight guests, whether they are
friends or family, will inevitably stop by sooner or later.
Offering to stay in a friend's room just for the night or
supplying a sleeping bag, blankets, or whatever could make it
whole lot more comfortable for all of you.
If you are the one with the guests, don't take advantage of your
roommates hospitality, so try to keep the overnight guests to a
minimum.
Concerning guests that just come for the night or study sessions,
try to be aware of your roommate's sleep time, privacy, or if they
are trying to study. Again, don't abuse your roommates
hospitality.
If you roommate brings a lot of friends over, take advantage of
this opportunity to meet many new and different people without
having to leave your room. Just because they are your
roommates friends does not mean that they have to be your friends
as well. However, be open and accepting when it comes to
meeting new people.
If your guest happens to be of the opposite sex, discuss moral
issues before inviting him/her over. Walking in on your
roommate during, well, you know, could be very embarrassing for
both parties and bring a lot of unwanted tension. Make rules
before hand and respect your roommates opinion and moral
convictions.
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Talking
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If you won your State Talking Championships, try to be aware that
other people don't like to talk as much as you do. This even
applies to friends. Try to listen more than you talk... you
might find out some interesting info.
If you are talking more than you are listening, you will probably
eventually annoy your roommate to the point of thoughts of
suicide.
I remember meeting a neighbor in the first week of school.
He came into my room at about 5pm, and did not leave until
4am. Despite numerous attempts to let him know that I was
tired, needed my sleep, and was bored out of my mind, he didn't
budge. During the entire night, I said less than 500
words. It was an exercise in patience, but made me happy
that I had my own room.
Listen, listen, listen and most importantly, don't mess with your
roommates
sleep
.
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Tension Happens
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The fact is that you are two strangers living in close quarters,
enduring stressful tests, relationships, sleep, etc. The
bond that holds all good relationships together is facing and
discussing issues or grievances openly and calmly. If you
bottle up your emotions or problems you have with your roommate,
you will eventually blow! Talk about it when it comes up or
the issue arises.
If your roommate has had a bad day, or he/she is starting to bug
you by their little habits, get away. Give both of
yourselves some room to breathe occasionally. All good
relationships are based on a little sacrifice on both peoples
parts.
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Keep their Trust
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Many issues and problems stem from an abuse of trust. Laying
out the rules at the beginning can keep you both from a face off
and taping a line down the center of your room. Respect the
rights, opinions, and privacy of your roommate. Once you
have violated their trust, it is very difficult to regain.
If and when people come up to you and try to dig up some dirt or
pass on rumors about your roommate, have the moral value to stop
it before it starts. Even if they owe you money, made you
angry, or borrowed your toothbrush, bringing it up in the lounge or
around pizza is nobody's business. Be kind and forgiving:
What ever happens in your room, stays in your room.
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Bringing in the Negotiator
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Under the most dire of circumstances where neither of you can
agree on anything, bringing in a negotiator can help things
out. The negotiator should be a common friend who you both
trust in and respect. Dorms often provide counselors who are
well versed in roommate confrontations.
A negotiator often finds solution that neither of you think of
when you are caught in the middle of it with your emotions
raging. Telling someone else will also help relieve some
stress. Telling everyone in particular (the old lady down
the street) will not help the situation.
If both of you still cannot agree on a common
resolution, having the negotiator make a final decision could be
the last resort.
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